The New York Times recently published a gem, an article on relationships entitled "The Happy Marriage Is the "Me" Marriage."
Here are some excerpts:
For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.
While the notion of self-expansion may sound inherently self-serving, it can lead to stronger, more sustainable relationships, Dr. Lewandowski says.
“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. “And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.”
The concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. But self-expansion isn’t just about exotic experiences. Individuals experience personal growth through their partners in big and small ways. It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.
After students reported falling in love, they used more varied words in their self-descriptions. The new relationships had literally broadened the way they looked at themselves.
Over time, the personal gains from lasting relationships are often subtle. Having a partner who is funny or creative adds something new to someone who isn’t. A partner who is an active community volunteer creates new social opportunities for a spouse who spends long hours at work.
Additional research suggests that spouses eventually adopt the traits of the other — and become slower to distinguish differences between them, or slower to remember which skills belong to which spouse.
“People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person,” Dr. Lewandowski says. “If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.”
Here are some excerpts:
For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.
While the notion of self-expansion may sound inherently self-serving, it can lead to stronger, more sustainable relationships, Dr. Lewandowski says.
“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. “And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.”
The concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. But self-expansion isn’t just about exotic experiences. Individuals experience personal growth through their partners in big and small ways. It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.
After students reported falling in love, they used more varied words in their self-descriptions. The new relationships had literally broadened the way they looked at themselves.
Over time, the personal gains from lasting relationships are often subtle. Having a partner who is funny or creative adds something new to someone who isn’t. A partner who is an active community volunteer creates new social opportunities for a spouse who spends long hours at work.
Additional research suggests that spouses eventually adopt the traits of the other — and become slower to distinguish differences between them, or slower to remember which skills belong to which spouse.
“People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person,” Dr. Lewandowski says. “If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.”
QUIZZES!
There are two quizzes on the relationships one can take as an indicator of the successfulness of their relationship, one provided with the New York Time article, and one available through Dr. Arthur Aron's webpage. Both are very similar. Enjoy!
There are two quizzes on the relationships one can take as an indicator of the successfulness of their relationship, one provided with the New York Time article, and one available through Dr. Arthur Aron's webpage. Both are very similar. Enjoy!
Academic Articles on Relationships:
Lewandowski, G. W., Jr. (2010). Break-ups aren’t all bad: Coping strategies to promote positive outcomes. APA: Research in Action
Strong, G., Fincham, F. , & Aron, A. (2009). When nothing bad happens but you’re still unhappy: Boredom in romantic relationships. In Mind, 8.
| Acevado & Aron. Does a Long-Term Relationship Kill Romantic Love? |
| Lewandowski, et al. Losing a self-expanding relationship |
| Tsapelas, et al. Marital Boredom Now Predicts Less Satisfaction 9 Years Later |
| Lewandowski, et al. Personality goes a long way |
For more interesting articles on relationships check out some of the works by Dr. Arthur Aron, Dr. Elaine Aron, and Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.
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